Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
