why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
