she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
