so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
