Soap is not a condiment
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
