I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
