It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
