apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's like iHOP with fire
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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