i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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