This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
