I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
