I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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