he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
