I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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