are you still at the devil's house?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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