What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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