Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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