So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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