mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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