My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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