i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
