I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
