so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
