You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
