I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
