Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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