rhymes with "ouble enetration"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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