her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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