Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
