So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
