Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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