Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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