He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
