Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
