Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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