spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
