Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
