some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
