Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
