"it" just moved
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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