My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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