fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
