We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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