Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's always time for handjobs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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