The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
