i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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