I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
