dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
