someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
