Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
