He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
