i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
