he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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