I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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